first-time parents,  mommy blog,  mommy moments,  Parenting,  Parenting tips,  Positive parenting,  Saying Yes,  YES

YesMOM: Saying Yes to my Little Girl

/
How often have we heard our parents say “NO”? All the while they are saying:
“No, you can’t go outside”
“No, you can’t come with me”
“No, you can’t play with scissors”
“No, you can’t make a mess” 
“No no no no no!”
And all the while I’m thinking:
“What’s the point of all of the toys I can’t play with? What’s the point of all the art materials? What are kiddie scissors for? And by gawd! What is the point of my beautiful new shoes?!”
I’m not saying that my folks were wrong in raising me, I turned out okay after all. All I’m saying is that hearing “NO” all the time can get really old and most of the time, with kids these days it really doesn’t work. I’ve learned this from experience as well as from parenting books that kids are unique, inquisitive, creative and intelligent human beings. Children are PEOPLE, not mini-walking-talking-things that you can just order around. Saying “no” all the time prevents them from blossoming into the great people that they are. Sometimes, it’s even easier to parent this way than having constant battles and cry-fests. Who needs all of that, really. 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not after raising a spoiled brat. There are certain values that hubby and I are strict about and can not compromise. However, for the little things, I just think that there are ways in working around the word “No”. Explaining why certain things can not be done and letting the child know the consequences of such behavior often gets more results. I find that this approach is more effective than flat out saying “NO”. It works for my four year old as well as most adults I know. For example when my child is running crazy in the mall or any public place, I say “I know you’re excited to play in the mall but can we walk properly to the play area so we will not have an accident?”. Sometimes when she needs a playmate real bad and I need to blog real bad I say, “I really want to play with you, can you give me 15 minutes?” or I invite her to join me at the desk where she can color or “work” on her own laptop. 

It’s not always easy and I’m no baby whisperer, however as hubby and I build our confidence as first-time parents, we are learning to say “YES” more and more. This is granting, of course that she is in a safe environment and would not get hurt enough to need medical attention. A few scrapes and bruises is a right of passage, I think. The playing with dirt thing, is still something I can’t work my mind around, though. If she wants to run in the park, cut news papers into bits and pieces or scatter all her toys and build forts and castles and ride a unicorn with my just washed pillow cases, I say “YES! Sure, anak, knock yourself out!” 

I still watch her like a hawk and go into my turbo-worry mode, but from a safe distance. I carry a band-aid for potential boo-boos. A change of clothes. Sanitizer. Still, any mess she makes she can clean up and pack-away. The lessons she will learn as she explores the world and the things that she will realize she can do are priceless.  

And besides, my YesMOM moments are not just fun for her, they are also great fun for me. 

mommy moments

12 Comments

  • Roshni

    June 25, 2012 at 1:28 am

    Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog! You are so right about not restricting our kids all the time. Kids should be given the independence to try new things; that definitely makes them more independent! Am following your blog!

  • march on...

    June 25, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I agree with you on being a Yes mom. Right now it's all about positive reinforcement and letting them learn things through explorations. It can work on parent's benefit too. My little girl learned how to handle a kid's scissors at age 2 coz I figured, they will get curious anyway so might as well teach her how to handle these things properly. Visiting back from MM:)

  • promding chamimay

    June 29, 2012 at 12:38 am

    totally agree with you!!! am preparing myself too for my baby's toddler years… am going around the neighborhood already to check for possible no-nos but he'll have all the freedom to explore later… 🙂

  • Tetcha

    June 29, 2012 at 10:04 am

    My son is already 6, but I find myself still saying "No" to what he wants most of the time. I've also realized that I should allow him more freedom to do what he fancies for as long it's not going to harm him or anyone around him.

  • Witchy Crazy Mommy

    June 29, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Thanks for dropping by Mommy. She actually needs a lesson in posing for the camera, kailangan for her is always "sports photography mode". I chose these shots out of 20 or so haha!

  • Witchy Crazy Mommy

    June 29, 2012 at 10:24 am

    You are right about giving our kids independence. It's a conscious habit that I try everyday. There are still days when I'm not sure what I'm doing but that's what makes life exciting!

    Thanks for following, I'm a new follower too;-)